she smelled like a LAN party
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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