i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
