I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
