How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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