I could have mohawked her pubes.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
