I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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