Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
