I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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