Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
