Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's great music for shaving your balls
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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