I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
