she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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