I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
