Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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