Porn is love you can see.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i drank out of a bidet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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