Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
