Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
