I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
