I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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