Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
