hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
