and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
