I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had to cum in my sink.
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