I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
