That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We need to get me chipped asap
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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