pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
