she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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