For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize