So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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