dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
