Princesses don't give blow jobs
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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