u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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