I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
