when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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