I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
