Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
