its not stalking. its research.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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