youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
