just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
