I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hippo gnu deer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
