My first STD was from a foam party
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
