i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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