over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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