apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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