I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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