toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
youre lurking in front of me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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