i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
