just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
