Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
