sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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