I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
