The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
