Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
