I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
