i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
