I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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