I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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