I hope mine doesn't look like that
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
