What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
