WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
