Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
