I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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