nut hugger
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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