mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
