I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
