Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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